It has been a while since I wrote last. At first it was because I was busy, but the last couple of weeks I have felt unworthy.
Have you ever had an experience so awesome that you came away feeling like a spiritual giant? I had one two weeks ago. I spent three days in Mark Wilson's spiritual formations class where God really dealt with me on some issues and during the class and times of solitude Mark sent us to I really felt like God and I developed a great plan to get past those and I felt much closer to God. I guess being that close to someone like God can make you feel big yourself if you have the wrong perspective. It was a great class, God did some awesome things in my life and I am seeing the first fruits of areas that were turned over to Him there. However, experiences that make you feel like a giant are often followed by those which make you feel like a spiritual
pe-on.
I have to get spiritually naked for a minute. I am only now feeling comfortable writing about this. I am writing this to encourage, not to condemn, or seek sympathy for I deserve none. We all screw-up sometimes we just have to pick up the pieces we still need, leave the junk and get back in the game!
On the way home I God presented me with an opportunity to witness to a young man in
Tipton, IN. I had stopped at a gas station to fill up. I went inside. Inside, this young man proclaimed loudly to the cashier (whom I assume he knew well) that there was a big party about to happen at his house and he was on his way to get "s**t-faced"(I censored it, he did not). Being the spiritual giant that I was feeling like after such a week, I thought to myself, "That is sad. Why does he have to do that." Moments before he said this the cashier had asked if she could help anybody and he had said, "I'm beyond help, but
ok." I followed right behind him out the door judging him in my heart the whole way. God spoke to me in my truck and said, "You could have told him that I love him and that he is not beyond help." I felt like a
pe-on. So I made a deal, "
Ok God, if I see him as I am leaving town I will tell him your message." I saw his car parked at the liquor store. I circled the store three times waiting for him to come out, (why didn't I go in?). I was afraid I would look like a stalker and I convinced myself that it was getting late so I need to get home to my wife. So I left..................
Six miles later I was still eat up with being such a chicken that I hung a u-turn and went back praying with every mile that God would let my find him. I did not. I was left with a two hour drive home to think about what a chicken poop I am! I hate that feeling. I never want to deal with it again. All I could do was ask God to send someone move loyal than me to him. I hope it happened. I didn't need to witness to him of take him down the Roman Road, God just wanted me to bless him and tell him that God loves him. I blew it! I never want to blow it like that again.
Sometimes when we are close to God we may feel like spiritual giants, but then, reality bites!
